probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it glows. i had to have it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
