I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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