I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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