um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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