help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
