Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
