i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
