Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
