I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
