can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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