matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize