It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
