I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
