im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
