Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can text with my tongue
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
