She said her name was "party"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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