Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
