p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize