She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
