I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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