Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
