planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
