u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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