tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This is the high leading the old right now
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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