I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
