I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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