It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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