Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
