as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
