I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
