YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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