Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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