Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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