May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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