Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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