So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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