Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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