I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How external is "for external use only"?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
