i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize