Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
not ubering you a puppy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
