is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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