A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this hospital has no fireball
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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