Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
