it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
