come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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