Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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