Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
