I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
