I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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