please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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