The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
