did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
