You're my little dorito
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am available for nakedness
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
