Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
