For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
