He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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