Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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