Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
