Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
