I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
