i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
