Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
