I need help removing her.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize