you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
