What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
