So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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