And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
