Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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