shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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