I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
