no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
