I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
