marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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