it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
