ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize