Tell her she can't have a vagina
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he thought i was a dude.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
