idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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