Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
