fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize