So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
