miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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