Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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