Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
