We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
