dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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