Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize