Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
