in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
