rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
