Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize