we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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