you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
