So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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