Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize