No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
