Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
