I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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