is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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