what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
