At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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