Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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