hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
