I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
