so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
