i was born a porn star she said
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
