and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
