While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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