Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
