i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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