the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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